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There is a rumor going around that the lady next door didn't die of natural causes. They say it was her tape measure. It was a bloody mess but nobody knows why the government tried to cover it up. But I know why they tried to cover it up. It was their fault. A failed experiment. It was supposedly a better tool. A helping hand. But something went wrong. The main controlling computer malfunctioned and gave the tape measure free will to think. It ticked automatically and used a blade to hack up her body and cut off her limbs. And I know this because I'm the tape measure.
